PAPAGAIO! “You come from a not-so-long lineage of overworked and underappreciated News Editors,” my Old Man told me repeatedly. And from that not-so-long lineage–from bold and articulate voices–came a small and timid new News Editor. However quiet and strange I may be compared to my predecessors, their quirky legacies continue in the words I speak through writing. So, in this new story, I can promise to be candid because boy, do I have something to tell you.
Coming from a sheltered life in the City of Pines, I found my life in San Beda University (SBU) awfully difficult to map. Anxiously looking down at the ground in fear of meeting someone’s eyes, I stalked the wide halls of the University with a set of walls and an amiable facade. And it became my routine for the majority of my sophomore year.
“Somewhere in the middle of it all, both News Editors told me to “step up” and “answer the Clarion Call” or something like that.”
Boring. That was my reality. I was already doing great academically, but where was the fun in that? I’ve been doing that since high school anyway, so might as well do something more in college. I didn’t have my parent’s pulling my strings anymore, so I should at least try some things, involve myself, and overcome the affliction of social anxiety and my noisy mind.
So I took the craziest leap of my life: I joined The Bedan.
As a Research Staff, I was terrified of everything. It was anxiety after anxiety–from formulating questions to ask athletes to writing a page and a half-long feature article about Chinese New Year. Then, there was the interviewing–the one thing I avoided as much as I could because I could not see myself walking up to complete strangers to ask questions.
I was struggling with the Filipino language, I was awkward, and lacked spatial awareness–what could I possibly do to connect with people? But even with all these fears and anxieties piling up on my plate, my biggest fear of disappointing others stood above the rest.
Questions of how people viewed me because of my incompetence put me in a trance of idleness. I was frozen out of fear and lapsed into hiding, away from everyone. My thought process was: maybe if I stayed away from people, I wouldn’t have to disappoint them, therefore, no harm and rejection would come to me.
This followed me until the end of my first semester as a third year. It was only then the lapses gradually receded. Why? That not-so-long lineage of News Editors came into the picture and pulled me out of hiding.
It began with kuya Phoebus, News Editor of Volume 80. In my first ever graduation coverage, his hearty laughs were a big comfort to me and his gentle nature made me feel safe. Since then, I knew I wanted to be the same person to others as he was to me.
Months later, I first met Volume 81’s News Editor, kuya Alvin. “Who are you?” he sharply asked me when I approached him. Ironically, that moment became the foundation of the friendship I built with him when he followed us around during an exhausting Laudato Si coverage.
Everything else went quickly after that. I was getting out of bed early, eager to cover events no matter how small or big they were. Sports coverages were suddenly not so bad, organizational events were engaging, and interviews were so much fun to conduct, and getting to know the research staff and looking out for them made my heart full.
Somewhere in the middle of it all, both News Editors told me to “step up” and “answer the Clarion Call” or something like that.
Initially, the thought never even occurred to me. I liked being a Junior Staff. I didn’t have to face the “scary stuff” that the Editorial Board did. I didn’t have to worry much about being under the spotlight, making the calls, and owning up. I was happy and content where I was.
But, these News Editors, who are now more like older brothers to me, just had to put these thoughts in my head. They opened those doors of opportunities, and when I went through it, I had a myriad of things I learned.
Now, as the new News Editor of Volume 82, I still walk the halls with an anxious heart and a noisy head. But I know I’ll be fine and that I’ll do well even though I’ll prolly slip up here and there because I know I came from a not-so-long lineage of “overworked and underappreciated News Editors.”
email me at thebedan_newseditor@sanbeda.edu.ph