PAPAGAIO! BEING AWAY from home does something to someone. The more you’re gone, the more you know. The longer you’re away–the less you care. But that’s just how I see it, coming from the small town of Baguio where I always thought I knew everything. Though, here’s what’s funny: I don’t.
It must be puzzling why I’m even talking about something so obvious; no one really is born with all the knowledge of the world, none can say otherwise. I’m a prime example.
Ever since my final year in college began, nothing has ever went my way. Freshman went by without much of a hitch with those cycles per semester–Class of 2025, I know you know.
“But more than anything, self-destructive habits have a way of slipping into everything you do if you don’t detect them and act on fixing them right away.”
Sophomore felt like diarrhea. My family and I were scuffling about like a bunch of constipated fools looking for a place in Manila for me to live in, the in-campus experience made me queasy, and I was frequently looking for a quick relief from all the discomfort of living by myself.
Come third-year, I felt like I was on top of the world. AB Literature was more than just a course–I was going to marry it for the rest of my life. The grades didn’t matter, I was doing what I loved. Somewhere down the road, I was so sure that nothing could get by me right until my graduation.
Call it a humbling experience when my fourth year in college pulled me back to the starting line. Maybe God was so fed up with me, He had no choice but to maim me beyond repair to teach me a lesson.
I found myself falling way behind my peers, my little sisters suddenly felt like bigger sisters than I, I broke my parent’s hearts, my friends didn’t feel like my friends anymore, I was hearing more criticisms than praise with each passing day.
It was mistake after mistake, and it felt like I was being stripped naked for everyone to see. To be seen in their naked glory, anyone would understand the feeling of shame, and everyone would have their own unique way of dealing with it.
Mine happens to be shutting down. This was my narrative: the more I distanced myself from everyone and myself, the safer I was. Let’s just say that the narrative proved to be more self-destructive than anything.
But more than anything, self-destructive habits have a way of slipping into everything you do if you don’t detect them and act on fixing them right away. You’ll find yourself getting told off by your OJT boss to step-up, breaking promises and trusts, disappointing the people around you, and finding no one to confide to.
But so is the life of the Literature student of the “Golden Batch” and the little baby News Editor. As the still small-minded and never-growing News Editor, I implore you readers to keep your heads up even in your lowest because this battered and bruised Tabula Rasa is still learning to do the same.
email me at thebedan_newseditor@sanbeda.edu.ph